Eulogy to my Dear ol' Dad

My Dad’s life, to me, was everything worth living. He was a very handsome and gentle man, with a strong love for his family, his work, and for the Earth. He had his share of troubles in his lifetime, there is no doubt about that… and yet he chose love and forgiveness over everything else, and left this planet with an enthusiasm that is rare and beautiful. This man that I lovingly called my dear ol’ Dad, was my hero, my mentor, and a shining example of how I wish my own life to BE.

The experience of being the only girl in the family gifted Dad and I with an exceptionally strong bond. There was no jealousy to be experienced on my part. My older brother Neal and I had a very easy-going relationship and our early years in Sherwood Park with both Mom and Dad are filled with happy memories. Dad had the house made for us there and bought it all out-right. He had been very successful in his job with Terra Mines, and we were living the good life. We went on family trips, which were always an important aspect of family life for Dad, and we had many friends and family close-by, who we visited regularly. The only hard part was that Dad had to go away on frequent trips to the mines out in the NWT, and sometimes his trips would stretch into 6-8 weeks at a time. When we were young, we seemed oblivious to time and life would just go on. To my Mom, however, those long stretches with Dad away were some of the loneliest times of her life and over time, it wore on her. I do remember sitting on the edge of Dad’s bed while he packed his bags… tears in my eyes as I asked if he could stay. He had to go… it was his work. After many weeks away, he would return, his luggage filled with interesting specimens from the mines and also our favorite: rock candy! I couldn’t believe that those candies looked just like rocks! And I would savour them and look forward to his returns all the more. And of course, because his returns meant that he was back in our lives, and that was just wonderful.

Dad’s work meant a lot to him, we all knew that, and he was good at it. He got a taste for the value of silver and gold, and did his fair share of wheeling and dealing and in his big-hearted way, helped out some of his co-workers with their money problems. It back-fired on him a couple times, and his life became a bit of a gambling act… and he would manage to come out the other side unscathed and able to continue taking care of his family, which was very important to him. He provided for us in a way that we had everything we wanted or needed, and yet modestly so. We were never under the illusion that we were ‘rich’.  Mom, however, presented a big challenge for Dad with regards to her shopping and collecting of things. It was over-the-top, and eventually led to the demise of their marriage, combined with the emotional strain of mis-communications and Dad being away for such long stretches.

The big move out to Ferintosh: The House That Dad Built, was like a crack at a brand new existence for us as a family. I see now that what Dad built was an ‘Earth Ship’, and I feel proud that he had the environmental sensitivity to build such a house. Back then, it was just really ‘neat’. We had loads of fun, and three new baby brothers to play with over time! Again, Dad was away for work a lot, and when he was home, I was all over him. One of my favorite times with him was gardening. He had an incredible green thumb, and I would watch him very closely. I would also ask to help out, standing beside him in my rubber boots and knobby knees. He said ‘the best help you can do is to watch’…. And so I watched…and watched. He liked to be efficient in his tasks and get them done. And at the end of the day, after a yummy garden meal and Mom’s home-made lasagna, he would lounge on the couch and watch the evening news, followed by a show called MASH. I would crawl in beside him and rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feel like life was perfect. Those were my second favorite times… cuddles with Dad on the couch. It didn’t matter if I was 13… I wouldn’t trade those times for anything.  My third favorite time with Dad, were our family trips to Mexico. He would take us out of school for the month of February, and we would go on this epic adventure to a house in a remote village for a few years in a row, and then along the coast of Mexico in the Airstream. Those trips opened our eyes to the bigger world outside of our own, and brought a sense of culture into our lives. We made new friends, ate mexican hotdogs, in the later years ~ drank lots of Cerveza, danced at local gatherings, swam, sunbathed, and on the long drive home, we would hit up every single Macdonald’s joint across the US! Dad just loved these trips with us, and I am so grateful for his enthusiasm to have taken us every year.

It was in the late 80’s / early 90’s that Dad started to delve into himself a little more deeply and began to get in touch with his spirituality. I remember lots of new books showing up at the house about dream interpretation and palmistry. He began recording his dreams and we would talk about our own dreams with him frequently. It became a normal occurrence, especially during trips and car rides. I really enjoyed my deep conversations with Dad and he opened my eyes to the concept that we were all living for something bigger than ourselves… that there was something more to our existence and the Universe. Him meeting Maureen was no coincidence, because they could share this viewpoint in partnership with eachother.  I don’t believe there are mistakes in the Universe, and so what Mom and Dad shared was also valuable and necessary for them both. However, what Dad and Maureen shared was magical and sweet, and I am so happy they found one another and had the time that they had.

In the more adult years of my life, and especially over the last few years with Dad, I definitely viewed him as a mentor. His dream experiences intensified greatly over the years, as well as his day-to-day life experiences, and his stories and sharing were profoundly spiritual. I was in complete awe and we would talk for hours on the subject. He had a large impact on my own spiritual life and sense of connection with the world and the Universe, and I am just so grateful to have had a Dad who was so in touch with himself. Not everyone could understand where he was coming from, and some could see him as completely ‘out of touch’ with reality, and I beg to differ. What he was tapping into was pure Love, and he shared that with everyone he came in contact with, up until the moment of his death.

Sitting with him during those last two months of his life were very endearing for me. You would think that we would be going over all the business of his estate, money, house, etc… and we did a bit of that. However, the bulk of our conversations were about our dreams, his sharing about his past experiences… far and wide, and the Great Beyond. He had MANY stories to tell, and it was obvious that he was unwinding his life.  And so, I was a daily faithful witness, and devoted daughter and caregiver to him those last days. There was one night, the last night before he died, that was especially rough for him and he was awake every couple hours asking for assistance. Ryan, Nathyn and I were there at the hospital with him throughout the night. At one point, around 3am, he awoke and asked that I adjust him. I was feeling a bit of dread because it was becoming clear that he would be leaving his body soon, and I gently told him not to worry, that it was going to be ok. He replied, very clearly and with surprising force behind his voice “I am NOT worried”. He set me straight. I was the one who was worried, not him.

And that was the way of it for Dad. He didn’t ever resign to fear, and looked ever forward to his time here being finished so that he could be free from his body, Soul flying high so he could find his spaceship and get on with it! He knew that there was a place waiting for him at the big table with his White Light Brothers, and he was raring to go.

To all of us who loved him, who are still here… of course we miss his smile, his laugh, his gentle heart and his beaming LOVE… and yet, to know that his adventurous Spirit is now free, warms my heart to no end. I know he is with us all… in Spirit…and will be for eternity.  I love you Dad.

OUT BEYOND

Out beyond all right and wrong,

there is a field ~

I'll meet you there.


I'll meet you there,

we'll dance all night,

I'll meet you there beyond all wrong and right ~


Out beyond all right and wrong,

there is a field ~

I'll meet you there.


- Rumi poem adapted by Brian Hoover